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Blog Archive/September 2008

September 25, 2008

Sarah Palin: Village Idiot or Imbecile?

First of all, I'd like to get something clear. Sarah Palin is not a moron. Neither is she an idiot.

For the record, a moron is defined as "a person of mild retardation, having an intelligence quotient of between 50 and 70." An idiot comes from the Latin idiota, or "ignorant person," and is clinically defined as a "severely retarded individual, with a mental age of no more than three, or a stupid, foolish person." An imbecile is "a person with retardation more severe than a moron, but not as severe as an idiot."

It's true Palin is about as ignorant as they come. It's also true that she's stupid and foolish. But I think she has a higher IQ than 70. Therefore, I would classify her as an imbecile...

Continue reading Mary Beth Crain's Palin Watch III.

Posted By John D. Spalding | Email

September 23, 2008

From the Creator of "Showgirls" and "Basic Instinct"--a Faith Memoir?

Eszterhas has taken a page from "The Player" and seems to have designed "Crossbearer" as a high-concept hybrid: "An outspoken, alcoholic screenwriter loses his voice--and finds religion! Think "Leaving Las Vegas" meets "The Passion of Christ!"

"Crossbearer," however, is far from "The Greatest Story Ever Told." In fact, there's barely a story at all. Eszterhas--whose writing career began as a reporter--has always expressed his brainy-biker attitude with an entertaining, though far from original, prose style. But despite the grand subject matter, his book peaks in the first few pages, when he's saved during a walk around his neighborhood...

Continue reading Billy Frolick's review, Holy Crap.

Posted By John D. Spalding | Email

September 20, 2008

Palin's "Troopergate"

Sarah Palin has so much in common with George W. Bush that one could argue that she's certainly ready to be Commander-in-Chief. That kind of Commander-in-Chief, anyway.

She loves huntin' and fishin' and all them good ol' boy sports. She's a God fearin' Christian who believes we are on a holy mission in Iraq. She's against stem cell research, abortion and sex ed in the schools. The only book she reads is the Good Book. She knows zero about foreign policy and probably thinks Qatar is a sinus problem and the Far East is Connecticut. She scorns liberals, extols reactionaries, and brags that she's no elite, effete intellectual but, on the contrary, is just like you and me.

And she believes, with her whole heart and soul, that she's above the law.

Continue reading Mary Beth Crain's Palin Watch II: Secrets and Lies.

Posted By John D. Spalding | Email

September 14, 2008

Nailin' Palin

Because I feel it's of urgent importance, in this short, volatile time period before Election 2008, to keep an eye on the underhanded Republican ticket, and in particular Sarah Palin, I'm taking time off my duties as SOMA's Official Vatican Watchdog to go on Palin Watch. So, in the coming days and weeks, I'll be providing you with up-to-date assessments of the latest Palin activities.

Let's begin with those two interviews with ABC's Charlie Gibson, in which Ms. Palin revealed her vast ego along with her vast inexperience in foreign policy--by foreign we mean any country outside of Alaska--and the Bush Doctrine, as well as a glaring lack of anything approximating critical thinking. "Critical thinking?" I can hear her exclaim. "Whaddya mean, I'm not a critical thinker? I'm critical of everything Obama!"

Continue reading Palin Watch, I.

Posted By John D. Spalding | Email

September 5, 2008

Sarah Palin, Hockey Mom: Who Gives a Puck?

What everyone seems to have lost sight of is that Palin's ability to pander to the right-wing masses with brash self-confidence does not in any way mean that she has anything meaningful to say, let alone that she's ready to ascend to the second most important political position in the country, and some might argue the world. Contrary to popular belief, being Number 2 (take that any way you like) to Miss Alaska isn't quite the same thing as being the country's Number 2 gal.

Should the oldest man who's ever run for the highest office in the land kick the bucket, and we wake up to President Palin, get out the Pepto Bismol. I shudder to think of this arrogant, self-aggrandizing little twit making the decisions on which our lives depend.

Read Mary Beth Crain's Backward, Christian Soldiers.

Posted By John D. Spalding | Email

September 3, 2008

Announcing SoMA's "Miss Sister Beauty Pageant" 2008

The news from Rome last week couldn't have been more hot-off-the-press: Italian priest Antonio Rungi announced he was organizing an online beauty pageant for nuns. The "Miss Sister 2008" contest was slated to start this month on a blog officiated by Rungi, and the winner was to be announced sometime in October.

"Too many people think of nuns as boring, dour, and old-fashioned,"
explained Rungi, a theologian and school teacher from the Naples area. "But being ugly is not a requirement for being a nun. External beauty is a gift from God, and we musn't hide it."

We at SoMA could barely contain our excitement. Would the winner resemble Sophia Loren as smoking-hot Sister Hermana Germana? Audrey Hepburn in "The Nun's Story"? Amanda Detmer in "Saving Silverman"? Eric Idle or Robbie Coltrane in "Nuns on the Run"? The possibilities seemed endless.

But as soon as word of the event hit the wires, the Vatican killed our visions of a wet-habit contest by pressuring Rungi to suspend his pageant and, unfortunately, he buckled. "My superiors were not happy. The local bishop was not happy, but they did not understand me either," he told Reuters. "It was interpreted as more of a physical thing," he said. "Now, no one is saying that nuns can't be beautiful, but I was thinking about something more complete."
 
Whatever.

SoMA found the contest enticing and, because we're not beholden to Rome, we've decided to take on Rungi's project ourselves. Thus, we proudly announce "The SoMA Miss Sister Beauty Pageant" 2008. If you know a nun worthy of global admiration, please email a brief description extolling her virtues, inner and outer, as well as a photo, to: editor@somareview.com. Nuns are welcome to nominate themselves, of course, and no restrictions apply to the nun's attire.

We will post the nominees as we receive them, and readers will pick the winner. Submission deadline: October 31. The winner, God willing, will be announced on November 17.

The prize? A handsome engraved wood plaque--and a wet SoMA T-shirt.

Posted By John D. Spalding | Email

 
 
             
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