Will Rogers, Where Are You?

Presidential campaigns used to be weighted with intellect and livened with wit. What happened to the good old days?

By Mary Beth Crain

As the 2008 race to the White House continues with all the candidates saying everything every candidate has ever said before, I figured it would be a good time to remember the role that humor once played in political campaigning. I say once because there’s certainly not a whole lot of it—the intentional variety, anyway—on the current playing field, unless you consider John McCain’s comeback to Chuck Norris’s comment that he’s too old to be President—“I guess I’ll have to send my 95-year-old mother out to wash Chuck’s mouth out with soap”—the essence of scathing wit.

No, there’s precious little wit in American politics today. Instead, the candidates are preoccupied with deadly serious platitudes. Oh for the days of those hilarious John Kennedy bon mots, or the cleverness of Abe Lincoln, who, when an adversary once accused him of being two-faced, replied, “Sir, if I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?”

Or the commentary of Will Rogers, the real vox populi, whose wry observations about government kept the people laughing and the politicians squirming. In fact, Rogers was so popular that twice during national conventions, his name was put in nomination. But each time he declined the honor, claiming that “the country hasn’t sunk so low that it wants a comedian intentionally in the presidency.” Nonetheless, he agreed to run for office in 1928 stricly as a humor stunt in the pages of Life magazine. On election eve, Life declared Rogers the "unoffical President of the United States," elected by the "vast silent majority." True to his only campaign promise, Rogers promptly resigned.

The wonderful thing about Will Rogers was that his humor was never dated. While he lambasted politics during the administrations of Wilson, Harding, Coolidge, Hoover, and Roosevelt, his observations are just as relevant today. Watching President Bush’s State of the Union Address Monday night put me in mind of what Rogers said back in the 1930s:

“The president goes on the air tonight. Even if he’s good, there’s plenty of ‘em won’t like it. He can speak on the Lord’s Supper and he will get editorials against it.”

When Rogers was praised as our greatest American humorist, he had a characteristically modest reply. “I’ve got the easiest job in the world. How could I not be funny when I’ve got the whole government working for me?”

If Will were around today, witnessing the circus of the primaries, I guarantee he wouldn’t have a single new thing to say. Back some 70 years ago he quipped, “There has been an awful lot of people defeated in the primaries. Everybody was running that could get some cards printed. It was a great year for the printers.”

And as we complain about how the line between Democrats and Republicans gets fuzzier and fuzzier, and how every candidate is making outlandish promises just to get elected, I’m reminded of Rogers’ observation: “A flock of Democrats will replace a mess of Republicans, but it won’t mean a thing. They will go in like all the rest of ‘em, go in on promises and come out on alibis.”

Here are a few more Will Rogers gems:

“Herbert Hoover was the first elected presidential candidate I ever saw that kept his campaign promise. He had said he would follow Coolidge’s policies, and he did! He went fishing too.”

“Politics is just a custom and has nothing whatever to do with civilization.”

“If you have a radio, the next few months all you’re going to hear is candidates saying, ‘What I intend to do is...’ What he intends to do is to try and get elected—that’s all any of them intends to do.”

“Both sides are breaking their necks to find something to make an issue of. Mr. Coolidge has finally announced that his policy will be ‘Common Sense.’ Common Sense is not an issue in politics; it’s an affliction.”

“Mr. Davis, the Democrat, announced his policy will be ‘Honesty!’ Neither is that an issue in politics, it’s a miracle.”

“In the election that followed, eight million Americans showed that they had ‘Common Sense’ enough not to believe there was ‘Honesty’ in politics.”

“It must be getting near election time. They have commenced taking up all the babies, and kissing them. Mothers, when you see a baby picked up by someone nowadays, it is either one of two men: a politician or a kidnapper.”

And, lastly, a little humor regarding the Reds and the Blues. Rogers, of course, spared neither; while he roundly blasted Republicans at every opportunity, one of his most famous lines was “I don’t belong to any organized party—I’m a Democrat.” Well, let’s let two famous Presidents have the last say.

When it comes to presidential speeches, Harry Truman might have had the best opening line in history: “Say you’re an idiot. And say you’re a Republican. But I repeat myself.”

Theodore Roosevelt was giving a big speech on the campaign trail when he was interrupted repeatedly by a heckler yelling, “I am a Democrat! I am a Democrat!”

Finally Roosevelt paused and addressed the heckler. “My dear man, would you mind telling us why you are a Democrat?”

“My grandfather was a Democrat!” the heckler bellowed. “My father was a Democrat! And I am a Democrat!”

“And, my dear fellow,” Roosevelt continued, “if your grandfather was a jackass, and your father was a jackass, what would you be?”

The crowd roared. Roosevelt had him. Until the heckler triumphantly replied, “A Republican!”

Happy voting!

Comment on this article here.

Add to Del.icio.us   Digg This   Fave on Technorati

Senior editor Mary Beth Crain's last essay for SoMA was Oh Beautiful for Specious Highs…

Back to top

May 7, 2010

The Mother of Mother's Day
By Mary Beth Crain
Anna Jarvis, the founder of Mother's Day, hated flowers, candy, and greeting cards. Our kind of mom!

January 28, 2010

Securing Your Pet's Post-Rapture Future
By Mary Beth Crain
What will happen to Christians' pets after the Rapture? No worries. These animal-loving atheists will feed them.

January 13, 2010

Whither Wheaton?
By Andrew Chignell
The evangelical flagship college charts a new course.

December 21, 2009

Ho, Ho, Hollywood
By Mary Beth Crain
My four top Christmas Movies.

December 14, 2009

Bad Dream Girls
By Mary Beth Crain
Sarah Palin and Carrie Prejean remind us that in America, dumb and dumber equals rich and richer.

July 16, 2009

The New, Updated Gospel of Mark
By Stephanie Hunt
In South Carolina, Vacation Bible School gets Sanforized.

July 16, 2009

Why Is a Spiritual Advisor Like a Lay's Potato Chip?
By Mary Beth Crain
Answer: Betcha Can't Have Just One!

December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve Blues
By Ondine Galsworth
Your best friend is dead. Your mother is bi-polar. And you've lived your life as a fake Catholic. Where do you go from here?

December 23, 2008

Christmas Gifts of Long Ago
By Mary Beth Crain
What would it be like if today's techno-spoiled kids were forced to have a good old-fashioned Victorian Christmas?

November 25, 2008

Giving Thanks in Thankless Times
By Mary Beth Crain
In times of fear and despair, gratitude is sometimes all we've got left.

November 16, 2008

Seeing Red
By Stephanie Hunt
Obama's presidential victory is a huge step forward for our nation. But in the Carolinas, it's still North versus South.

October 29, 2008

Ghost Writer
By Mary Beth Crain
Our senior editor talks about her new book, "Haunted U.S. Battelfields," the perfect read for a creepy and kooky, mysterious and spooky, altogether ooky All Hallows Eve.

October 26, 2008

The Poison Seeds Spread by Dying Congregations
By Matthew Streib
Just as a certain presidential candidate has gone to the extremes of negativity in a desperate attempt to keep his campaign alive, so parallels can be seen on the religious front.

October 11, 2008

Palin Watch V: Troopergate, Poopergate!
By Mary Beth Crain
Confronted with a scathing indictment of abuse of power, Governor Palin thumbs her nose at the "Troopergate" report.

October 4, 2008

Palin Watch IV: Post-Debate Musings
By Mary Beth Crain
This hockey mom belongs in the penalty box.